Getting Support

If you are in danger right now

If you or someone else is in immediate danger, or you are thinking about harming yourself, call your local emergency number now: 911 in the United States and Canada, 112 across the European Union. You can also go to the nearest emergency department.

When talking to a professional helps

Attachment styles are ordinary tendencies, and most people can learn a lot about them through reflection and relationships. Still, there are times when a conversation with a trained professional is the better next step. Consider it if:

• you feel ongoing distress about your relationships, or the topic keeps you up at night,
• you notice patterns that hurt you or others, such as relationships that repeatedly turn painful, controlling or unsafe,
• past experiences such as neglect, abuse, loss or other trauma keep resurfacing,
• anxiety or low mood affect your sleep, work, appetite or everyday life,
• you are worried about a child in your care and how they relate to others.

You do not need to be in crisis to deserve support. Many people seek help simply because they want to understand themselves better or make a relationship work.

Who can help

Titles and training differ from country to country, but these are the kinds of professionals most people turn to:

• Your family doctor or general practitioner. Often the easiest first step. They can check for physical factors, talk through options and refer you to specialists.
• A licensed psychologist. Trained to assess and treat emotional and relational difficulties. Many work with adults on relationship patterns and on the effects of early experiences.
• A psychotherapist or licensed counselor. Offers ongoing talking therapy. Look for someone who is registered or licensed with the relevant authority where you live.
• A couples therapist. Works with both partners together when a relationship itself is the focus.
• A child psychologist or child psychiatrist. For concerns about a child, usually through a referral from the child’s pediatrician or family doctor.

How to find someone

• Ask your family doctor for a referral or recommendation.
• Check your health insurance or national health service for covered providers and how to access them.
• Use the directory of your national professional body for psychologists or psychotherapists. These usually let you search by location and focus.
• Ask about approach and fit. It is fine to have a short first conversation and ask how they work, whether they have experience with relationship issues, and what it costs.

Finding the right person can take a few tries. A good fit matters, and changing therapists if it does not feel right is normal.

What our quiz and articles can and cannot do

Our attachment style quiz and wiki are for self-reflection. They are not a diagnosis and cannot replace an assessment by a professional. You can read more about their limits in how the quiz works and about the difference between everyday styles and clinical conditions in attachment style vs attachment disorder.

If you take one thing from this page, let it be this: reaching out is a sign of care for yourself and the people around you, not a sign that something is wrong with you.